14) You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA.
13) You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man.
12) Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere."
11) After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword when she learns you're worth 45,000 points.
10) "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again."
9) Your cyberlover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5 List.
8) Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by.
7) You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms.
6) You can barely make out your SO's face in the JPEG she sent because she's obscured by her 25 cats.
5) He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks like some geek who works for a software company.
4) Since her first e-mail, Make.Money.Fast!@cyber-promotions.com has become cold and distant.
3) She's suddenly changed her address to comingout@lesbian.com
2) Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious "tubby@whitehouse.gov"
1) In an ironic twist of fate, you discover that the object of your affection is a curvaceous 18 year old, rather than the geeky 14 year old boy she'd pretended to be.
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by
clicking here.
Or buy it in print!
Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Being Watched by TV
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter
