Although I can accept talking scarecrows, lions and great wizards of emerald cities, I find it hard to believe there is no paperwork involved when your house lands on a witch. --Dave James

Let face facts, shall we? There is a very real possibility that this could also be the *last* day of the rest of your life. --Dave Henry

Sometimes I think astronauts are the luckiest people on earth, but only when they're in space. --Alan Smithee

I think it says a lot about our nation's skewed priorities that we give the President the unbridled authority to preempt any television program, even during prime-time. --Matt Diamond

If at first, you don't succeed, does it depress you that no one is surprised? --Jim Lockwood

Whenever someone asks me what two plus two equals, I just shake my head and laugh at them for asking such a dumb question, even though I really don't know the answer. What gullible fools. --Will Gillespie

I think gods don't smite people anymore because people of many different religions now live in the same town. No god wants to accidentally smite the wrong person and get sued by another god. --David James

Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a stop light, I imagine myself as Luke Skywalker, and I close my eyes and concentrate on using The Force. Sometimes I have to concentrate longer than others, but I know it works, 'cause the light always turns green. --Troy Peterson

One day, I'm gonna finally get up enough courage to actually go skydiving, rather than just being thrown out of the plane like last time. --LeMel Hebert-Williams

I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach. --Bill Muse

"Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams." --Mary Ellen Kelly