Over the outline of the state of Minnesota:
My Governor Can Beat Up Your Governor

(Around a picture of dandelions)
I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won

Spotted at a gay pride parade:
My Son Just Came Out Of The Closet
and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

On the front of the T-shirt: < Picture of an open Bible > On the back of the T-shirt: When All Else Fails, Read The Directions

On the front: Yale Is Just One Big Party.
On the back: With A $25,000 Cover Charge

Aboard a passing motorcyclist:
If You Can Read This, My Wife Fell Off ...

Liberal Arts Major.... Will Think For Food

I Suffer Occasional Delusions of Adequacy

God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends

I Used To Be A Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now

If I Had Known Being A Grandparent Was So Much Fun, I Would Have Done It First!

I Speak Fluent Patriarchy, But It's Not My Mother Tongue

What If The Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About?

Coffee, Chocolate, Men.... Some Things Are Just Better Rich

Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would The Queen!

IRS - Be Audit You Can Be

If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In The Kitchen

First National Bank Of Dad; Sorry, Closed.

The Old Pro....Often Wrong....Never In Doubt

In Dog Years, I'm Dead

It's Hard to Be Nostalgic When You Can't Remember Anything

Dinner Is Ready When The Smoke Alarm Goes Off

I'm Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes

A Day Without Sunshine Is Like Night

First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order

Old Age Comes At A Bad Time

In America Anyone Can Be President. That's One Of The Risks You Take