Editor's Note: Not really all humor, unless you consider grown men in tights slapping each others asses funny...
#1. Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.
'Football is only a game.
Spiritual things are eternal.
Nevertheless, Beat Texas'
#2. 'After you retire from football, there's only one big event left... and I ain't ready for that.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State
#3. 'The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas
#4. 'When you win, nothing hurts.' Joe Namath / Alabama
#5. 'Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas
#6. 'If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password, 'Roll, tide, roll!' Bear Bryant / Alabama
#7. 'A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.' Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
#8. 'There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.' Woody Hayes / Ohio State
#9. 'I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.' Bob Devaney / Nebraska
#10. 'In Alabama , an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant.' Wally Butts / Georgia
#11. 'You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life.' Paul Dietzel / LSU
#12. 'It's kind of hard to rally around a math class.' Bear Bryant / Alabama
#13. When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world. 'No, but you can see it from here.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas ...
#14. 'I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.' Bear Bryant / Alabama
#15. 'There's one sure way to stop us from scoring-give us the ball near the goal line.' Matty Bell / SMU
#16. 'Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died.' Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
#17. 'I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's.' Alex Karras / Iowa
#18. 'My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor.' Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
#19. 'I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.' Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
#20. 'Always remember... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David..' Shug Jordan / Auburn
#21. 'They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces.' Darrell Royal / Texas
#22. 'Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
#23. 'They whipped us like a tied up goat.' Spike Dykes / Texas Tech
#24. 'I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: 'Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren't any good.' Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State
#25. 'Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State
#26. 'Football is not a contact sport - it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.' Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
#27. After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his team: 'All those who need showers, take them.' John McKay / USC
#28. 'If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.' Murray Warmath / Minnesota
#29. 'The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
#30. 'Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon.' Spike Dykes / Texas Tech
#31. 'It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
#32. 'We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.' Darrell Royal / Texas
#33. 'We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.' Wilson Matthews / Little Rock Central High School
#34. 'Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad. Darrell Royal / University of Texas
#35. 'I've found that prayers work best when you have big players.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
#36. 'Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.' John Heisman
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Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at michaelbissell.com/blog
-- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.