Top 12 things you don't want to hear from tech support

12. "Do you have a sledgehammer or brick handy?"
11. "... that's right, not even MacGyver could fix it."
10. "So -- what are you wearing?"
9. "Bummer Duuuuuuuude"
8. "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n."
7. "Press 1 for Support, Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes, Press 3
if you're with the FTC"
6. "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of
duct tape, and a car battery."
5. "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
4. "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
3. " Hold on a second....... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"
2. "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."
and the number 1 thing you don't want to hear from tech support...
1. "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."