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- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
- You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
- You can leave the motel bed unmade.
- You can kill your own food.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or
she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passengers seat.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter
reader is coming.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for
hours without ever thinking: 'He must be mad at me'.
- Same work...more pay.
- Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
- Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental $75.
- You don't mooch off other's desserts.
- You can drop by to see a friend without having to
bring a little gift.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same
outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with:
'So, notice anything different?'.
- You are not expected to know the names of more than
five colors.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn
a nut on a bolt.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
- You can 'do' your nails with a pocketknife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25
relatives, on December 24th in 45 minutes.

NOT
- The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000.
- External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.
- Even if you get your head caught in an industrial wood
chipper, you're not allowed to cry.
- Ribbed for her pleasure - not yours.
- You have to wear ties.
- You can't flirt your way out of a jam.
- 'Women and children first.'