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Dr. Livingstone, NOT (PG)
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An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself 'Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!.'

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: 'No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.'

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces,

God's voice booms out again: 'Okay ..... NOW you're screwed.'

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Jokeindex.com: Bill's new intern

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Bill's new intern (R)
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This is the FBI summary of a conversation that took place this week between President Clinton and Kimberly, a brand new intern in the White House. Kimberly walked into the White House for her first day of her internship and was greeted by the President.

After a short tour of the White House the President asked 'How would you like to see the Presidential Clock?' Kimberly looked troubled and said 'I don't know Mr. President. I have heard some pretty bad things about you. I don't think that would be a good idea.'

'Nonsense' said the President. 'It's just a clock.' Kimberly agreed and the President lead her into the Oval Office where they were alone. He closed the door, dropped his pants, and pulled it out.

Kimberly gasped. 'Oh that's not the Presidential Clock, that's the Presidential Cock!'

To which the President responded: 'Kimberly honey, you put a face and two hands on it and its a clock!'

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