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WHAT TO DO ON CHRISTMAS EVE

Twas the night before Christmas, and we, being Jews,
My girlfriend and me -- we had nothing to do.
The Gentiles were home, hanging stocking with care,
Secure in their knowledge St. Nick would be there.

But for us, once the Hanukkah candles burned down,
There was nothing but boredom all over town.
The malls and the theaters were all closed up tight;
There weren't any concerts to go to that night.

A dance would have saved us, some ballroom or swing,
But we searched through the papers; there wasn't a thing.
Outside the window sat two feet of snow;
With the wind-chill, they said it was fifteen below.

And while all I could do was sit there and brood,
My girl saved the night and called out 'CHINESE FOOD!'
So we ran to the closet, grabbed hats, mitts and boots --
To cover out heads, our hands, and our foots.