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Sayings that women really want to put on buttons... (PG)
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1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
4. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
5. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
6. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You! Off my planet!
9. Therapy is expensive, popping' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
10. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
11. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
12. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
14. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
15. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
16. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
17. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
18. Whisper my favorite words: ''I'll buy it for you.''
19. Better living through denial.
20. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
21. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
22. Adult child of alien invaders.
23. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
24. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
25. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
26. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
27. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
28. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
29. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
30. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
31. Adults are just kids who owe money.
32. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
33. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
34. You say I'm a bit*h like it's a bad thing.
35. Can I trade this job for what's behind door#2?
36. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
37. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
38. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
39. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
40. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
41. Is it time for your medication or mine?
42. I plead contemporary insanity.
43. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
44. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
45. It ain't the size, it's ... no, it's the size.
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