Jokeindex home

How to get rid of tapeworm (PG)


More Stuff!
Jokeindex Home
PG rated jokes
Medical
Stupid Jokes
A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town. After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm. ''Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?'' asked the man. ''Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie,'' said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cross the man's face, the doctor said, ''Trust me. I'm the doctor.''

So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie. ''Drop your pants, and bend over,'' says the doctor. ''What?'' says the man. ''Trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. ''Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!'' screams the man. ''Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor.

About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. ''Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie,'' says the doctor. As the infuriated man starts to protest the doctor says, ''Trust me. I'm the doctor.'' So, the man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie. ''Drop your pants and bend over,'' says the doctor. ''This again?'' yells the man. ''Trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor.

So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. ''Oh! I can't believe I'm doing this!'' says the man. ''Hold still now and trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor. About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. ''Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with another hard boiled egg and another lemon cookie,'' says the doctor. As the man starts to shake his head the doctor says, ''Trust me. I'm the doctor.'' So, this goes on all week until one day, after the man pulls up his pants, the doctor says, ''Now come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a hammer.'' As the man turns pale the doctor says, ''Trust me. I'm the doctor.''

The man gets no sleep that night worried to death about what the hammer is going to feel like when it gets shoved up in him. He almost stays home, but he still feels sick. So far the treatments haven't helped and he's afraid he'll have to start over if he goes to a new doctor. The man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the hammer. ''Drop your pants and bend over,'' says the doctor. ''But, why do we need a hammer?'' asks the man nervously. ''Trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor.

The man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. ''Please!'' says the man, terrified of what is to come next. ''Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor. About a minute later, the man is about to pass out from terror and he is involuntarily clenching his rear as tight as he can. Then nothing happens. Several more minutes pass and he starts to relax. The man is about to straighten up and ask the doctor what happened when the tapeworm sticks its head out his rear and yells, ''Where's my lemon cookie?!'' And WHAM! Down comes the hammer.




Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.

My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.

As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.

If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.

Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback


Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make the world... nutty.

Today's blog: Being Watched by TV
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter