Hollywood Squares Quotes (PG)
1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why? Paul Lynde: He's out of town
2. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie, 'What's The Matter With Helen?' Who plays Helen? Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver-that's why they asked the question
3. What are 'dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't? Paul Lynde: They give milk ... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies
4. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? 5. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him
6. Robert Young recently stated, 'I never, never give ...' something to his fans who ask for it. What? Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy
7. James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was 'one of the best things I ever did
What was it? Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming
8. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? Charley Weaver: His feet
9. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What? Paul Lynde: An engagement ring
10. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What? Charley Weaver: Not drinking
11. When the Lone Ranger finished with a case, he left something behind. What? Paul Lynde: A masked baby
12. True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them
Charley Weaver: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests
13. You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki. Why? Paul Lynde: It was a long plane ride
14. If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it
15. Do female frogs croak? Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water
16. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake
17. Is there any such thing as an F cup in bra sizes? Paul Lynde: Yes, it sleeps four
18. True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas? Paul Lynde: Yes. We call them winos
19. According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons? Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly
20. According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy? Paul Lynde: Where can I get some? 21. Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit? Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn
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Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
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