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26 more ways to leave your lover (PG)

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Leave up the lid, Sid.

Throw his clothes on the lawn, Dawn.

Keep wetting the bed, Fred.

Stab her and a waiter after nightfall, Orenthal.

Send her to Capitol Hill, Bill.

Tell him you prefer your battery- operated toy, Joy.

Put on her teddy, Eddie.

Vote him off the show, Flo.

Throw a toaster in the tub, Bub.

Find another Cruz, Cruise.

Stop taking your Paxil, Axl.

Tell him you're really a man, Jan.

Tell her you're attracted to men, Ben.

Tell her about her odor, Fyodor.

Have an affair with an intern, Vern.

Call her a skank, Hank.

Dump her on "Springer," Klinger.

Marry her off to another wacko, Jacko.

Keep saying, "Dude, you're not gettin' a Dell!" Adele.

Dress like a girl, Merle.

Say she looks fat in those pants, Lance.

Tell her Ashcroft won't let you leave, Steve.

Run off with her mother, Strother.

Bust a cap in her kitty, P. Diddy.

Add small quantities of mercury to her dinner every night over a period of several years, making her slowly, but surely, insane, Wayne.

Make too many bad rhymes, Tom.

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My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.

As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.

If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.

Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback

Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make the world... nutty.

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