Words From Washington Post, some new some old (PG)
The Washington Post asked readers for alternate meanings for various words. Readers had these suggestions:
Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Carcinoma (n.) a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent
Flabbergasted (adj) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Bustard (n.) a very rude Metrobus driver.
Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Marionettes (n.) residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.
Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.) the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
The Washington Post also asked readers to alter a word by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are some recent items:
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Frisbatarianism: The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
And, best of all...
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
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