Words From Washington Post, some new some old (PG)
The Washington Post asked readers for alternate meanings for various words. Readers had these suggestions:
Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Carcinoma (n.) a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent
Flabbergasted (adj) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Bustard (n.) a very rude Metrobus driver.
Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Marionettes (n.) residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.
Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.) the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
The Washington Post also asked readers to alter a word by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are some recent items:
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Frisbatarianism: The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
And, best of all...
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
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Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
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